That’s a thing, right? No? Well, it is now. I just watched a really cute video of two little boys who had emptied the contents of a bean bag chair so that their dinosaurs could frolic. In the video their mum asks how she’ll clean it and I thought, “at least it’s not Desitin…”
The “whoops” at the end kills me every time. Watch the video here!
This leads me to share a blog post I made nearly 5 years ago. I’m no longer active on that blog, but here’s the text for your enjoyment:
In the past week the east coast has survived a 5.8 earthquake and hurricane Irene. I have survived the twinadoes and the Desitin massacre of 2011.
We were having a quiet day lazing around the house Sunday while the wind and the rains howled outside. It was around 1:30, 2:00 when the babes started to fall, fuss, fight, and become all around cranky. I suggested we put them down for a nap. They screamed and cried for a couple minutes, then became quiet. We falsely assumed they had gone to sleep.
Recently the two have become proficient at opening drawers and such, but the worst they’ve done is to empty out a clothes drawer or remove all the baby wipes from the container. Today was different.
Barry and I were relaxing in the living room, I reading, he watching tv, when we heard Devi’s bloodcurdling scream.
Barry made it to the room before me, I had tripped on the dogs. Before I reached the hallway I heard Barry yell, “What the hell did you do?!?!” I figured they had rearranged their furniture again, or maybe emptied out their diaper pail (again); my wildest imaginings couldn’t have prepared me for what I saw.
“Hi Mommy!” Kayleigh exclaimed when she saw me. Barry had already pushed his way into the room to get to Devi. If Barry hadn’t been so upset, worked up, and worried about it, I would have been in hysterics laughing. And I certainly would have gotten pictures, for not having taken any, I apologize.
I had just bought the tub, not tube, tub, of Desitin two days before. It was completely empty, cleaned out better than the container I had just thrown away. It was smeared on the changing table, the door, up and down the floor lamp, Devin’s crib-on every slat, and all over his sheets and blankets. For some reason they had not touched Kayleigh’s bed; thank God for small blessings.
Kayleigh looked like one of the warriors from “Braveheart,” only in white paint instead of blue. It streaked up her nose following the lines of her eyebrows, and covering her forehead. She had a few “highlights” in her hair, of course her hands were covered too, but that was not all. She had also lifted up her pant legs and thoroughly rubbed her feet and legs. She paid special attention to her belly. Her clothes were covered as well, but nothing could compare to Devin.
He looked like “Powder.” He was balling, probably because some of the Desitin had gotten in his eyes. His entire head, save the very top, was covered. It was up his nose, in his ears, and down his neck. His hands and feet were covered, but he had the decency not to lift his shirt. The sweatsuit he was wearing was well coated in a layer of the creamy spackle from hell.
I didn’t even know where to start with clean up. Barry had taken off his own shirt to wipe away Devin’s eyes, but Devi kept trying to rub them with his hands (which were still covered) and was reapplying the cream. Barry was now sporting a nice coating of white. I didn’t want to be in the same predicament, it’s such a pain to clean off.
I stripped Kayleigh’s shirt and pants off, lifted her at arm’s length and placed her into the tub. I hooked up the spray hose that I use to bathe the dogs and attempted to hose her off, to no avail. The Desitin, made to repel moisture, was doing its job.
I grabbed a washcloth and began to wipe away the cream, starting from her head down. I had to rinse the cloth frequently as it was getting clogged with the greasy ointment. Johnson and Johnson hadn’t prepared their shampoo to handle such a mess, so I had to use my shampoo to get her hair clean.
We went through two more washcloths with Devi. With as well as he had rubbed it into his hair, not even my shampoo could wash it out, even after 3 tries. Barry ended up using his bar of Irish Springs to clean poor Devi’s head.
We wiped and rinsed, and scrubbed and fought as his patience (and Barry’s) wore thin. Finally, we had him mostly clean, save what we had to get with a Q-tip from his ears and nose.
The was no need to put lotion on them post bath, as their skin was well lubricated. They both still had creases of white around their cuticles, hands, and feet, but overall were fairly clean.
I sent them out to the living room with their frustrated father while I set to work cleaning their room. It took probably an hour to clean the furniture, walls, etc. The clothes on the other hand….. If you ever have such a nightmare, I hope you can just pitch the clothing. These were brand new outfits, so I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead I’ve washed them 5 or 6 times, the last few times in hot water with Dawn dish detergent, which seems to have done the trick.
Devin still has a bit of Desitin in his eyelashes. You can’t really see it unless you’re looking closely, but it’s there.
We now keep the jar of Desitin up on the shelf, and I would ask for prayers that they catch on to the potty training soon.
Good times! My biggest regret in life is that I didn’t take pictures that day. I had to use baby wipes to clean it off the walls and furniture, my normal cleaning cloths were just getting clogged and smearing it around. I had to use a bucket of hot soapy water and a bristled brush to get the Desitin out of the woodgrain on the door. I remember scrubbing my hands raw afterward and still having Desitin around my cuticles and under my nails. It was all I could smell when I ate.
Although I reported that I thought I’d saved the clothing and sheets, it only fully came out of Devin’s sweats and the sheets, I think because they were cotton? Kayleigh’s pink, Baby Phat velour refused to release the Desitin and had to be thrown out. I was so upset.
This was posted in August of 2011 just after their second birthday, and they were fully potty trained by the beginning of the following January. I was motivated!
Here they are the following Halloween; you can assume their expressions were similar when we saw the mess they’d made! (Couldn’t you just eat them up? I miss them being that age!!!)
The smell of Desitin still makes me ill, leading me to assume I have a mild form of PTSD, and Barry can now almost laugh about it. So don’t worry parents everywhere! All of our kids make a terrible mess (or many messess) at some point. Even though you may want to scream/cry/die/sell your children on the black market at that moment, that moment will pass. It doesn’t make you an awful parent, and one day (hopefully sooner than later!) you’ll be able to look back on it and laugh. (So take a moment and take the pictures!)