There are so many reasons as to why you shouldn’t get a tattoo while under the influence. There are probably hundreds of horror stories from other people on the internet about the terrible things they had happen to them, or requested, and of course regretted. Goodness knows how many Buzzfeed and other lists of terrible tattoo photos there are. Do we really need to hear about more? Probably not, but here is my story anyway!
First, let me preface, I do not have any tattoos (relax mom.) This story is about why you shouldn’t tell someone what you want tattooed on you when you’re drunk!
Scene: Bear and I are at a wedding reception in 2011. Despite being at the furthest distance available from the DJ, the music was still so loud we had to yell to the person next to us to be heard. (It was super obnoxious.) Bear and his friend Rich were both fairly inebriated, and Bear tends to stumble on his words a bit when he’s drinking. Having to yell didn’t help.
Bear had just gotten his first tattoos: our twins’ footprints, names, and the date of their birth on his back. He was talking about his tattoos to Rich, was telling him that he’d eventually like to get full sleeves, that he’d never get a woman’s name on him regardless of how long he’d been with her, and what he was planning on getting next.
I still wasn’t sold on the idea of the tattoos, so what I heard him say he wanted next really threw me for a loop…
Rich: SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GET NEXT?
Bear: PRAYING MANTIS WITH A COWBOY HAT, FOR MY GRANDPARENTS.*
Me (horrified): WHAT?!?!
Bear: A PAIR OF PRAYING HANDS WITH A ROSARY AND A COWBOY HAT, FOR MY GRANDPARENTS.
Me (relieved beyond belief): OH! HAHAHAHAHA, THAT MAKES WAY MORE SENSE!
Bear: WHAT DID YOU THINK I SAID?
Me: A PRAYING MANTIS WITH A COWBOY HAT.
*Everyone that can hear laughs uncomfortably while looking at me, judging me as a lunatic, I’m certain.*
Bear: WHAT? THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE! WHO WOULD EVEN THINK OF THAT? WHY WOULD I GET THAT FOR MY GRANDPARENTS???
Me: I DON’T KNOW! THAT’S WHY I WAS SO CONFUSED!
Who would even think of that? No one. My weird brain. If Bear had misspoke that to an unethical tattoo artist, he could have ended up with a very terrible tattoo! He could have been on an internet list or a Milkyway commercial…
We have laughed about it for years.
I’ve been thinking about Father’s Day approaching, and thought he’d be happy with a tattoo as a gift. Bear still hasn’t gotten his praying hands, and is still adamant that he would never get my name tattooed on him anywhere. I’m good with that, even telling him that I didn’t want him to get a wedding band tattoo either. But I did decide that if he wants to get full sleeves he should have to get something to represent me, even if it was something that only we would understand. He agreed, and told me that I could pick the start of his sleeve, he was even willing to get it before he got the praying hands.
Naturally, there could be only one choice…