Toilet Seats and Excitement

What on earth is going on with that title??? Let’s find out!

As you become an adult you find yourself getting excited over things that would not excite you as a younger person. New pots and pans make you want to audition for the next Food Network Star. A new pair of pruners and suddenly every branch within reach is in danger of being “evened out.” When you purchase a new vacuum you declare it to be the suckiest vacuum in all of existence and you keep your floors spotless for a week straight.

You realize your younger self would have mocked old-person you. “So this is what my life has come to…” you’ll utter more than once, “being excited over *insert mundane item here.* Clearly my life has hit a new low.” Then that feeling of euphoria returns and you exclaim,  “But look how much this new box fan blows! Woo!”

Which brings me back to our title…

When you live with a man, there are going to be some toilet misses, but you hope that he’s not such a disgusting pig beast that he’ll clean up after himself. When you give birth to a boy, it is your job to teach him not to be an aimless pig beast, and to wipe up after himself if he misses. When that boy is six years old, he will not do a good job. When he doesn’t do a good job his urine eats through the brushed nickel finish on the fixtures where the toilet seat attaches to the toilet. It also eats through the enamel coating on the underside of the seat. And we all know how much fun and easy it is to clean under the back of the toilet seat where it attaches…

I really loved my enamel coated seat with brushed nickel fixtures that matched the rest of the fixtures in the bathroom. It was beautiful, as far as toilet seats go, but due to repeated morning mishaps on my son’s part, it looked like hell, and my fingers hurt from trying to clean under the damned thing.

I was in Home Depot looking for a plastic replacement, figuring they must have one that will resist staining to make up for me not getting to have that brushed nickel until he moves out. They had one better. It’s a miracle of modern engineering. Why?

It has nothing to do with the fact that it resists staining. It has nothing to do with the fact that it slow closes to prevent him from slamming it. This mother fucker pops off for easy cleaning.

“Whaaaaat???” you say! It. Pops. Off. Look at it! LOOK!!!


My actual hand with my actual toilet and actual magical toilet seat!

Oh. Em. Gee. That’s right ladies and gents. This glorious toilet seat right here made my day. You just pop up the clips and lift off the seat. No more wedging your cleaning cloth under there, or using Q-tips, or whatever you did before. This is a game changer in the toilet seat industry! And if you tell me you already new this existed, then get out. You’re an asshole for not telling me about it, and I don’t want you here.

I just installed it this afternoon, but I’m already declaring it worth the $40 dollars. The frustration it will save me is worth every single penny.

That’s right, I got excited over a toilet seat. Clearly my life has hit a new low.

But adulting is hard, and this toilet seat pops off for me to clean and make my life that much easier! Woo!


2 thoughts on “Toilet Seats and Excitement

  1. First off, don’t lie! Men do NOT out grow being an aimless pig beast! lol. ( At least your dad hasn’t, or maybe it’s still Mike, even though he hasn’t lived here forever your dad still tries to blame him for everything.) . Two..Why did this not send you to the phone to call and let me know immediately of this wonderful invention! And Finally; three; Why didn’t we think of this so we could now be getting rich selling toilet seats for forty dollars!!!


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