I’m Baaaaack!

I haven’t been here in forever. I’ve been inspiration-less, and fighting depression and thyroid disease (which may be related, who knows, either way, it’s not much fun) and I decided to try exercising, you know, to release endorphins. Also, I don’t want to be the fat mom. Big girls are beautiful too, don’t get me wrong, and right now I’m not exactly svelt, but my mom was always skinny and pretty, and I want to be close to that.

Why close? Let’s face it, I will never be a size 5/6 like she was (sometimes she was less than that, ugh!). I’m ok with that, I don’t even want to be a size 5/6, I just don’t want the droopy mom-butt. Plus, I have wide hips, so I think I’ll look best at a 10 or an 8. (Besides, I’ll never give up cookies, that’s a scientific fact!)

So my journey through hell I mean, my healthy living initiative started last week. I’ve done 3 miles on the treadmill every other day, and by every other day, I mean I did it Friday and today, which is Tuesday. Don’t judge me, it’s still more than I was doing before! I’m really good at talking myself out of it and making up excuses as to why I don’t have to do it. I am my own worst enemy.

Today as I was finishing up my treadmill time, I was feeling especially pathetic as my boobs tried desperately to escape the XL sports bra I just bought. (Maybe I should have splurged on the fancy ones that were made to size, but I figured I’d be losing weight and dropping sizes, so it was silly to spend more…), and I had not only skipped the weekend, but Monday as well. I hopped off the treadmill, put in a load of laundry, grabbed something out of the freezer for dinner, and headed up the stairs to see if my cable company provided exercise stuff with the “OnDemand” channels. They did! I was excited, “Maybe that will help get me in gear faster!” I thought to myself.

I start browsing through the programs trying to decide what would work for me. Yoga seemed like a safe bet since I’d already ran today. I didn’t have (wasn’t willing to rummage for) all the things she wanted me to use, but I figured I’d make due. I was doing “Restorative Yoga” and it did not restore anything for me. That’s a lie, it restored my motivation to vacuum the floors today, the dogs are dragging in a shit ton of dirt with the spring mud out there. Anywho… That bitch was crazy. “Sometimes you need to treat your body gently, like you would a child. Bring it forth into life” or something like that, I was trying not to laugh at her while Pixie (my Miniature Australian Shepherd) tried to get me to rub her belly by flopping on my head and smooshing my face with her dirty paws. “But Mooooooom, you’re on the flooooor, and look! I’m smiiiiiling!”

After 15 minutes of her weirdo-nonsense I decided to try something different. Maybe Pilates? But I had heard that Pilates can be difficult, so I’ll try the children’s Pilates… Yeah, I needed a basketball for that one, plus it was awful as well; cheesy music, awkward children, crazy lady. I couldn’t do it, so I turned off the tv. That being said, if you know of an exercise regime that worked for you, let me know, otherwise I may have to figure out and budget a gym/personal trainer… and God knows I don’t want to do that, then I’m accountable to people other than myself!