I never thought I would, but here I am. Well, that’s not entirely true, I thought I would join a gym after I lost 20 lbs at home.
“But Stasia, that doesn’t make any sense!”
Well, I wanted to lose some weight first so that I wouldn’t be judged as harshly by the people there. I’m already self-conscious about the way I look, I don’t need to hear that I’m a jiggling sea cow from other people. I own mirrors, I know I’m fat.
Bear had gotten me a Fitbit for Mother’s Day, and I had been doing alright with that. I was making some better choices when I ate, and was definitely more active, but was only down 10 lbs from May until October. Pathetic.
A friend of mine has been going to this gym for a while and would try to talk me into coming, and I always made excuses. I saw her Facebook posts. Those people did hardcore workouts, and I needed fat-lazy girl workouts. No way I could keep up with them; I would die from embarrassment if I didn’t die from the exercise!
Then my bestie/sister-in-law joined. I noticed the results she was getting, and she kept telling me how great it was (which meant a lot coming from someone who proclaimed to hate exercising!) She finally convinced me to give it a try.
She told me no one was judgy, and that you can scale the exercises until you can do them. I half-believed her, but I was so sick of hating who I saw in the mirror, and progress was slow on my own, so I was willing to try.
The trainer gives you eating guidelines, and let me just say, this is the first time I’ve changed my eating habits and not felt deprived. There are days when I have a hard time eating enough calories because I feel full. I don’t miss the carbs like I thought I would, like I have with all the fad diets I’ve tried in the past. For whatever reason, this is different.
And I’m definitely the biggest girl in my class, but no one has ever made me feel bad about it. The trainer has built and encouraged this environment where everyone pushes each other to do their best, they all cheer each other on, and they celebrate each other’s victories.
Today was especially inspiring for me. We did a “Spartan Challenge,” which consisted of 120 burpees and a one mile run (split into 1/4 mile run, then 30 burpees, 4 times). It was hard and exhausting for even the most fit people in my class. I didn’t think I would finish it, and had I been on my own I definitely would have quit, but I wasn’t on my own. When I started my last quarter mile run two of the women that had already finished made the loop with me, even though they were tired, they cared enough to make sure I didn’t give up, even though that was an extra quarter mile for them. When I felt like I could barely lift my feet they encouraged me to keep moving.
And I didn’t give up! I made that loop and then finished my burpees, and I managed to stop shaking enough to write my time on the wall. It wasn’t the best time by a long shot, but it’s my best time, and next time will be better.
I’ve lost over 10 lbs since I started, but I care about that so much less than I thought I would. Now I care more about the way I feel, the muscles I’m building, the strength and the energy I have. I always thought people that loved to exercise were a little off (sorry!) but I get it now.
I look forward to going every day, and I miss it on the off days. I swear my muscles twitch with excitement when I think about exercising on days where in the past I’d have been sedentary. I still struggle with the depression, but this gets me out of bed and moving for the day, which is a huge step for me.
I’m getting stronger every day, I’m setting new goals for myself, and I can’t wait to bore you all with the before and afters!